
I remember taking the plunge… it was in 2004. For years I had stood up with the frustration of hammering square pegs into round holes. That was my lot in life ~or so others said~ and as long as it paid the bills I would show up to work on time and did what was told hoping that things would sort out on their own. You’d think that integrity, responsibility, passion and things like that would be important in themselves to assure you of success, but I quickly discovered that in my world those things didn’t matter on this side of God’s creation.
However, I yearned to create, to conceive and run with a vision, to express the world the way I saw it… to go down a path many people yearn to travel on but few ever get to discover, much less reach the destination it leads to: the desire to create something beautiful and lasting.
Solomon had it, so did Napoleon and just about most people who pay sizable amounts of money for bricks in some building, or benches in a park, or pews in a church… all bearing their names in the hopes of remembrance long after they’re gone. We all strive for glory, but we waste many years seeking it in the wrong places.
So, what I discovered ~and a preacher I heard the other day confirmed it~ is that God created us for beauty. We seek it, we desire it, and if we happen to be so fortunate as to find it we do everything possible to never let go of it.
I found beauty in the One who thought of me and gave me life. Everything around me tells me of Him: the laughter of a small child, the majestic soar of a bird in flight, the flash and roar of thunder rolling down from the mountains, a quiet moment, the stillness of night, the brightness of day… He has made all things beautiful, yet I fail to grasp it all in its entirety.
So 2004 was the year that I decided to start trying… There was this gate at a garden in a town park in Upstate NY that I would spend hours around. Many early mornings and late afternoons we met at that place, that gate and I. The gate led nowhere, but somehow going through it raised so many questions, and questions over those questions… I can’t tell how many times I went back and forth through that garden gate as if somehow all the answers awaited on the other side. But I knew Who was prompting all these question and in due time He would provide the answers. That year I bought my first film camera ~a Nikon N80~ in the hopes of capturing the beauty I saw around me.
My first attempts were horrible… why do all my pictures look so bad? What’s this fuzz about light and darkness that never get along yet I need them both on a piece of film? What settings? When is the moment? Why am I doing this???
I set up a small darkroom in my home’s basement and quickly got used to the smell of fresh fixer in the morning… I don’t have that darkroom anymore and most of my output is digital these days. However I still shoot black and white and I do my own development. How about a Photoshop plug-in that smells like fixer and stop bath? Hey, they’ve done it with “digital film grain” so…
The showcased photo is one of my first attempts at capturing that garden gate one late spring afternoon back in 2005. While the photo doesn’t do justice to what I “saw” at that place it was the start of something. Something I must do no matter the cost: to capture beauty and tell others about the One who created it. I am on the Path.
I still haven’t got the process down and many shots are lost… but I keep going back and forth through that gate, and the One to whom I originally asked all my questions is providing answers.
The Editor
The Editor Devotionals, Photography